Today was an incredibly emotional day for me for somereason beyond my comprehension. I feel very very alone. I spent the day with my parents and the rest alone. 3 hour walks of just pondering and thinking about my life. I didn't dwell on loneliness because for me that creates depression. I focused on good memories, my very blessed life now, and my hopes and dreams that i'm working towards the future. I've started a book idea which in two weeks has already morphed into something I never thought it could be and I'm very excited for it.
Speaking of books. . . I have no idea when "The Jonathan Tree" will be published. I need to find that out because I put my heart and soul into that thing and it is meant to be read, in my opinion. I know no one will read this but I hope I can make a difference in someone's life with my writing. I can do it and I have the passion and mental IQ and Emotional EQ to be able to touch people. I have empathy and the capacity to accept all races, religions, looks, sizes and cultures. I kid about certain things but that's only on surface level. If you asked me if I thought the holocaust was a bad thing, I think you'd be surprised just how in depth i've researched, studied, and scraped to understand the racism and idealism behind the Nazi's. If you asked me if I was racist, I would probably start reciting the "I had a dream speech" and not stop for 5 minutes, because I can do that. I love history and it seems to love me too haha.
Anyway after that rant, I am so happy Butler Bulldogs are in the Final Four. It helped me today. I miss my dad a lot today. I went to a baseball card shop to sell most of the cards he left me (not the great ones). It is really hard to say goodbye to things that I have so many memories and emotions tied down to. It's like losing him again. I still feel him around me, or try and remember his laugh that was so infectious everyday. People often notice my mood changes and it's usually because of the Gospel or I think of my Dad. Nothing ever takes my smile away though. I'm always laughing.
I sound like a broken record. In truth I'm just a person trying to be strong. Even when i'm weak at points people still rely on me as a consistent rock, which isn't fair in my opinion, but i'll deal with it, always have. I miss support from my family.
My mom finally commented on my writing today and said, "Never give it up." That confuses me because she often says that I need to get a job... what she doesn't understand is that a writer could be at work on say a 3 hour walk. . . looking out the window. . . going on a drive... living? yeah like today. I worked even though I wasn't working. Writing is hard work, and once people understand that I think they'll appreciate it much more...
If anyone who reads this wants to become an author, a must read book is "Unless it moves the human heart by Roger Rosenblatt.
Goodnight world
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
I Haven't blogged in a while... things have changed
I am guilty of the classic mistake of not blogging often on this site. I have found a few other places where I have written juicy subjects that just wouldn't have been appropriate for this site hahaha. Intrigued? don't be... i lied, kind of. haha.
Anyway, life has changed a lot. I graduated high school, I teach seminary, and Im just trying to make it. I still struggle like everyone else with self-esteem issues but i've been through enough to know it's all in my head when it comes to that stuff.
Unfortunately, at the moment people are treating me very different. Most old friends and pals have become my students and they look at me as a teacher instead of a friend their age and likeness. That's really hard because I live a pretty lonely life at the moment. It actually awkwardly fits my lifestyle but it's a change so it feels weird to me at the moment. Im trying to find a place that I fit in life. Im just going into my last week of babysitting for the Stigter family. Their kids are obsessed with me haha. That's good though, mostly.
Also, while trying to teach seminary and work on/off I've been writing and working on my own dreams. I'm excited for the future but I'm very nervous. I'm trying to have a healthier lifestyle but it is difficult to change drastically.
My haircut worked out well, everyone seems to like it so yay lol. I'm very interested in going to a writing college but my grades were not too hot. Also, I don't like writing for other people, on their schedule. I like writing from the heart when it is emotional and inspired. I hope that I can find a way to work writing into my future. It's my passion and it's saved me during a lot of hard times. I have not stopped writing. IF you would like to read any ANY thing i have written visit www.youngwriterssociety.com and look up Tommybear. That is my profile name on there. I didn't want any creepers so I changed it haha. I'm going to try and write more often. I DO have things to say and places to say them. Follow me on twitter at TmB317 or facebook Tanner Blackburn, if you are interested in stalking me ;). Modern life is hysterical that way. 10 years ago no one gave a CRAP if you were forced to go shopping with your girl, but NOW everyone apparently loves knowing that stuff! haha.
Don't act like that's not true haha.
Okay, I'm turning this into an actual blog now, and not a writing place because i found a place of writing companions that help me with it. This will be more thoughts and such.
Right now I'm hangin with Mac. t-out
Anyway, life has changed a lot. I graduated high school, I teach seminary, and Im just trying to make it. I still struggle like everyone else with self-esteem issues but i've been through enough to know it's all in my head when it comes to that stuff.
Unfortunately, at the moment people are treating me very different. Most old friends and pals have become my students and they look at me as a teacher instead of a friend their age and likeness. That's really hard because I live a pretty lonely life at the moment. It actually awkwardly fits my lifestyle but it's a change so it feels weird to me at the moment. Im trying to find a place that I fit in life. Im just going into my last week of babysitting for the Stigter family. Their kids are obsessed with me haha. That's good though, mostly.
Also, while trying to teach seminary and work on/off I've been writing and working on my own dreams. I'm excited for the future but I'm very nervous. I'm trying to have a healthier lifestyle but it is difficult to change drastically.
My haircut worked out well, everyone seems to like it so yay lol. I'm very interested in going to a writing college but my grades were not too hot. Also, I don't like writing for other people, on their schedule. I like writing from the heart when it is emotional and inspired. I hope that I can find a way to work writing into my future. It's my passion and it's saved me during a lot of hard times. I have not stopped writing. IF you would like to read any ANY thing i have written visit www.youngwriterssociety.com and look up Tommybear. That is my profile name on there. I didn't want any creepers so I changed it haha. I'm going to try and write more often. I DO have things to say and places to say them. Follow me on twitter at TmB317 or facebook Tanner Blackburn, if you are interested in stalking me ;). Modern life is hysterical that way. 10 years ago no one gave a CRAP if you were forced to go shopping with your girl, but NOW everyone apparently loves knowing that stuff! haha.
Don't act like that's not true haha.
Okay, I'm turning this into an actual blog now, and not a writing place because i found a place of writing companions that help me with it. This will be more thoughts and such.
Right now I'm hangin with Mac. t-out
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