Seein through the lies, but not wanting to

U put up ur defenses not wantin to let me in,
but thats foolish girl, i can let myself in,
i can see through your facade and the lies,
just matter'a time before this relationship dies.

When i told you how i felt u didnt seem sad,
it felt like the world lifted off my shoulders,
so why was i not glad?
did i feel guilty for all the lies that we had led
eachother to believe or was i hurt by the lack of tears?
Did i care about the "what-coulda-been" or the if only?

No. . .no none of those, I was just lonely.

Even if we didnt have much we always had a fall back
even if we lied to much we always fought back, together.
even if we didnt deserve the what could've been,
in my heart of hearts i still think it should've been.

"If only if only,
the woodpecker cries, the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies.
the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, and cries to the moon,
if only... if only."-- Louis Sachar (sp)