Feeling of Inadequacy

We've all seen those people weighed down by expectation,
some out of their own making and many from others.
Maybe their parents, maybe their sisters or brothers,
but either way, the results the same: desperation.

In a system of success, 'the different' often are laid out to dry,
Do we expect to much of ourselves; eachother? if so why?
Do we strive for success alone?
or for the acceptance?

These are the questions that are hard to ask ourselves.
To answer these, one must delve
into his heart and be truthful and honest.
It is the best way but, it's also the hardest.

We lie and lie under the mirage of society,
when honestly we know the truth; that is reality.
It'll be tough to hear, hard to face oneself,
but we must, to ever know who we are.
After all, is that not true wealth?
The depth will be surprising, maybe even scary,
but the soul must be expressed, for one to be happy.
And to express one's soul, you must know it,
must own it, every aspect explored,
no doors left unopened.

Face the reality and all the fearful thoughts,
'cause a war worth fighting is a war well-fought,
and since this war can not kill anything but fear,
its well worth it; that thing which is hard to hear.

Ah, the irony

The irony of the situation is, is that someone pointed out to me
that if i truy didnt care i would't be writing to see
which emotions came outta me.
now what he didnt see was that i cared about the situation
not about what the conversation, was about me
so cast ur perspective and ur evil stares
cuz they fall on blank eyes and deaf ears
soon you'll realize that your judgments have failed
and i truly, honestly respectfully dont care
what you think about me or my proposals.
This page is my world,
these words are my actions my very existance,
those brave enough to listen and see what i think,
are the ones who have thoughts themselves unvoiced
and fight to get out.
Those ppl like me who are silent till one day they shout!
Listen to me! Stop the murder of morality,
the devilish deeds of using "friends" and lovers a like.
It's time for selfishness to take a back seat
to kind words actions and most importantly,
for people to stand up and fight,
and TONIGHT to say what you never would before,
put out the fears and stand up for those thoughts that pierce the very essence of who you are and what you believe. It's the feeling of being so fed up that men stop believing in themselves. They are too quick to give into the status quo instead of questioning. Don't listen to everyone elses opinions; too easy. Formulate your own and let others do the same. Freedom of action and even more importantly for action; that and that alone leads to change. Electing politicians and figures who you think care about what your best interests are... Well, most of the time the jokes on you.
I pose the question: "How long will men complain about their situation, but the next day do nothing or even make it worse?" You see it everyday in some parts of the country. No one is willing to stand up for themselves or sometimes not knowing how because of prior choices on education and the formulation of ideas dies in their minds because they lack the resiliency in their own minds that great men just seem to find and grasp onto, never letting go. So how do we give voice to the oppressed and give the hopeless man courage to say what is on his heart and mind in away that can change everything? Is it our job to care for the needy and take care of the sick?

That's where the irony comes in. The answer is i do care... probably too much

Seein through the lies, but not wanting to

U put up ur defenses not wantin to let me in,
but thats foolish girl, i can let myself in,
i can see through your facade and the lies,
just matter'a time before this relationship dies.

When i told you how i felt u didnt seem sad,
it felt like the world lifted off my shoulders,
so why was i not glad?
did i feel guilty for all the lies that we had led
eachother to believe or was i hurt by the lack of tears?
Did i care about the "what-coulda-been" or the if only?

No. . .no none of those, I was just lonely.

Even if we didnt have much we always had a fall back
even if we lied to much we always fought back, together.
even if we didnt deserve the what could've been,
in my heart of hearts i still think it should've been.

"If only if only,
the woodpecker cries, the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies.
the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, and cries to the moon,
if only... if only."-- Louis Sachar (sp)

I must take part of the blame

In the beginning i told lie after lie to hide the real me,
but all those lies became more adversity,
to get through the hard shell that was me,
ppl who really know me, are a scarcity.

When the time finally came for me to back out,
i figured if i told u the truth it would turn'n'to a bout,
but that doesn't matter cuz im just flatterin myself,
cuz in reality you never gave a crap bout me,
backstabbin, is that a friend, u'd be surprised
what ppl would say just to make you cry.
u just used my resources until the oasis was dry,
leaft me to face the emotions floatin in my mind.

i never voiced my thoughts
i never even tried
cuz i fought hard to make sure i never cried.
I told you what u wanted to hear,
gave u self-worth,
but at the end what was that friendship worth?

Nothing. . .

Sums up the last three weeks or the last year? lold

Can not believe i wasted so much time on you. for what? pain! so not worth my time. Ur not even worth the tears and definitely not worth the years that, that relationship would've entailed. So when ur wonderin where i am when ur alone just know u pushed me away... maybe not by will but by ur words and moreso by action. so dont plan ahead for me anymore cuz im my own man. an individual. a statement of individuality a slap to ur face a wake up to the facts of reality. u cant act like a witch and expect not to be summed up as a bit of a jerk.

Emotions

Tears like rain from the clouds bring you down, tears let out emotions that other wise hold you back and cause contention. Tears, they streamin down your face at the time ur embarrassed; maybe disgraced. but thats ok cuz the ppl who matter are the ones who will flatter you with all the kind words and all the smiles while all the while the tears change from hopeless pain into happiness by the time the world can see it, they've been through the same thing. Never be ashamed to cry especially if no one knows why, but you. So when the tears start pouring in the middle of the night while ur friends are snorin away their life. u try and piece the puzzle together bit by bit while all the while you listen to the world talk s#*!. but it doesn't matter once and for all cuz you're your own best friend, the best of them all.
Be content bein you, not someone else. Don't go through life not livin it for you  That's not paradise my friend, thats a livin hell. actually that ain't living at all. thats like involutary servitude. With an attitude of discretion you need to pick your friends; those are the ppl who are by your side, maybe not day by day, but the ones left smilin back at you at the end. Don't listen to those synics and critics talkn smack, sayin all this stuff bout your own rhymes bein wack. Thats where they're wrong, not for the first time, you wrote these words to express yourself, is that a crime?! So if someone tells you u never should have. tell them u dont care 'cause you dont! Atleast it made u feel good!

Viewing Through all the BULLSCHLOSSA

"The one thing harder than never bein with you, is bein with you and knowing im not enough and never will be. the excruciating feeling of self deprevity with the tears of a sole who would do anything to just make you happy. but why isn't that enough? why wont it ever be? well.... girl why dont u inform me? im doin all the talkin. u dodgin questions like bullets, and usin me like a city bus. That's not a friend at all is it? no thats just a breach of trust"

"You attack a man's character and then expect him to act superior to the confines in which you have put him?"

"Where does the man find the courage to take his first step after waking up blind."

A few thoughts through my mind when all the people around me are drivin me nuts and everyone else is tryin to influence my opinion just one more thought for ya...

"The hardest thing about business is knowing when its not yours..." just a few things to keep in mind for everyone to think about. and speaking of the first little rhyme that is completely original and i wish i could put it into tune for ya cuz i promise it flows with the beat i gave it in my head.