Parting is such sweet sorrow

How do i keep my heart from feeling all this pain,
from dropping the tears that want to fall like rain,
physical scars from the beating of my heart,
do not show the ones inside, not even a tenth part.
When you think that you have gotten away with it,
just know, you haven't and it hurts me.
So, Don't be surprised when karma finds you and you're all alone
this isn't me being cruel, it's you reaping what you have sown.
Don't be afraid from what you have done,
oh wait im talkin to myself again,
if i were you, i'd run.
You've hurt people with out an apology,
You don't have one friend who would say your eulogy.
Yet everytime i see you, my heart melts,
Its like a curse from within, my heart used to win.
Sometimes the most important thing is knowing who to trust,
like a pane of glass, it is easy to bust.
Oh how blind i was! how angry i feel,
with your lying heart, i just cannot deal.
So goodbye forever, i promise myself,
true friends are my gold, true friends are my wealth.

My heart must be blind, but my eyes aren't

With each smile, your memory fades. But no matter what i do, ill never forget you, my beautiful everglades. Your lips like fire, gorgeous and red, your eyes of desire, where no man feels dead. you're like meddusa without the stone, left me feeling paralyzed, i thought you were my own. its been a few weeks and im feeling the same, the winter weather, not as harsh as your love game. The scars on my hand are because of you, the bruises, and the pain i feel too. yet still in my heart and mind i give my love to you. Its silly to think how blind love can be, but won't you come back and atleast talk to me? And if once again you leave, you'll still have my heart. In this crazy love game, we all play our part. I can't decide who this is to, because there are atleast two or three of you. It can't be me or maybe it can, but after all im only a man. How would i know that it would've come to this? If i had just one wish, it would be for you to know this, I feel so strongly that you made a mistake, like Eve, i was beguiled by a snake. You slithered in and poisoned my heart. But this is a war and you played your part

Started a new character...

Introduction

The rain was pounding on the mirky window pane. It was never fun for Claire to have to wait for her father, but she was always to. She would say that she cared for him, never loved him. She wasn't really sure what love was, afterall she's only 17 and figured the chances for her to understand the most confusing part of life were slim. Their relationship was one that could never be understood. Part of being an attorney's daughter was not seeing your father much. It put a serious strain on the two. Claire never had a mother or anything close to one, her own tragically dieing during childbirth when Claire was two. Lonely nights at home spent with books and her dog gus, drove her to pursue piano and a job at the local Barnes and Nobles. It was an easy job and with not too much to do during her senior year at Carmel High School left her severely wanting a time consuming activity. It didn't take long for an educated person to see that Claire was mentally years ahead of her age. She never felt like she fit in because she didn't think or act like any kids her age. Adults understood her better and only a few kids interested her but she never showed her lack of interest. She was incredibly polite and loved serving and making other people happy. It was a rewarding way for her to feel good about herself. The constant monotony of her daily life sent her mind into numbness which quite possibly fueled her deep thinking. The words she wrote for her music spoke like a story of a confused teen at eye level but if you looked deeper it dove into emotions and the lessons of life which people twice her age couldn't explain or attempt to understand. She truly was an intellectual. Her constant boredom left a lot to be desired in her GPA. Dipping just below a 3, she had seriously underperformed in her years at Carmel, but honestly, she didn't care. She never had. Everyone knew she could be successful in any field she chose to pursue a career. She just had to choose which direction she would go. . . Now that high school was almost finished she figured her life was over. She had NO IDEA that her journey was just beginning. (is this a character i should pursue?)

Feeling of Inadequacy

We've all seen those people weighed down by expectation,
some out of their own making and many from others.
Maybe their parents, maybe their sisters or brothers,
but either way, the results the same: desperation.

In a system of success, 'the different' often are laid out to dry,
Do we expect to much of ourselves; eachother? if so why?
Do we strive for success alone?
or for the acceptance?

These are the questions that are hard to ask ourselves.
To answer these, one must delve
into his heart and be truthful and honest.
It is the best way but, it's also the hardest.

We lie and lie under the mirage of society,
when honestly we know the truth; that is reality.
It'll be tough to hear, hard to face oneself,
but we must, to ever know who we are.
After all, is that not true wealth?
The depth will be surprising, maybe even scary,
but the soul must be expressed, for one to be happy.
And to express one's soul, you must know it,
must own it, every aspect explored,
no doors left unopened.

Face the reality and all the fearful thoughts,
'cause a war worth fighting is a war well-fought,
and since this war can not kill anything but fear,
its well worth it; that thing which is hard to hear.

Ah, the irony

The irony of the situation is, is that someone pointed out to me
that if i truy didnt care i would't be writing to see
which emotions came outta me.
now what he didnt see was that i cared about the situation
not about what the conversation, was about me
so cast ur perspective and ur evil stares
cuz they fall on blank eyes and deaf ears
soon you'll realize that your judgments have failed
and i truly, honestly respectfully dont care
what you think about me or my proposals.
This page is my world,
these words are my actions my very existance,
those brave enough to listen and see what i think,
are the ones who have thoughts themselves unvoiced
and fight to get out.
Those ppl like me who are silent till one day they shout!
Listen to me! Stop the murder of morality,
the devilish deeds of using "friends" and lovers a like.
It's time for selfishness to take a back seat
to kind words actions and most importantly,
for people to stand up and fight,
and TONIGHT to say what you never would before,
put out the fears and stand up for those thoughts that pierce the very essence of who you are and what you believe. It's the feeling of being so fed up that men stop believing in themselves. They are too quick to give into the status quo instead of questioning. Don't listen to everyone elses opinions; too easy. Formulate your own and let others do the same. Freedom of action and even more importantly for action; that and that alone leads to change. Electing politicians and figures who you think care about what your best interests are... Well, most of the time the jokes on you.
I pose the question: "How long will men complain about their situation, but the next day do nothing or even make it worse?" You see it everyday in some parts of the country. No one is willing to stand up for themselves or sometimes not knowing how because of prior choices on education and the formulation of ideas dies in their minds because they lack the resiliency in their own minds that great men just seem to find and grasp onto, never letting go. So how do we give voice to the oppressed and give the hopeless man courage to say what is on his heart and mind in away that can change everything? Is it our job to care for the needy and take care of the sick?

That's where the irony comes in. The answer is i do care... probably too much

Seein through the lies, but not wanting to

U put up ur defenses not wantin to let me in,
but thats foolish girl, i can let myself in,
i can see through your facade and the lies,
just matter'a time before this relationship dies.

When i told you how i felt u didnt seem sad,
it felt like the world lifted off my shoulders,
so why was i not glad?
did i feel guilty for all the lies that we had led
eachother to believe or was i hurt by the lack of tears?
Did i care about the "what-coulda-been" or the if only?

No. . .no none of those, I was just lonely.

Even if we didnt have much we always had a fall back
even if we lied to much we always fought back, together.
even if we didnt deserve the what could've been,
in my heart of hearts i still think it should've been.

"If only if only,
the woodpecker cries, the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies.
the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, and cries to the moon,
if only... if only."-- Louis Sachar (sp)

I must take part of the blame

In the beginning i told lie after lie to hide the real me,
but all those lies became more adversity,
to get through the hard shell that was me,
ppl who really know me, are a scarcity.

When the time finally came for me to back out,
i figured if i told u the truth it would turn'n'to a bout,
but that doesn't matter cuz im just flatterin myself,
cuz in reality you never gave a crap bout me,
backstabbin, is that a friend, u'd be surprised
what ppl would say just to make you cry.
u just used my resources until the oasis was dry,
leaft me to face the emotions floatin in my mind.

i never voiced my thoughts
i never even tried
cuz i fought hard to make sure i never cried.
I told you what u wanted to hear,
gave u self-worth,
but at the end what was that friendship worth?

Nothing. . .